Handling Fear of Rejection

I'm in the mood for writing in English, so grab some finger food, cold drinks, and a dictionary to ease your way in today's lesson.

Everyday I meet with countless and countless people who says that they are desperate enough for some romance, but couldn’t get their feet just about one meter away from their dream girl. Some of those people are strangers I talk to and encounter in the bus or the waiting room, some are my close friends.

Many years ago, I was once one of them too.

Being such a lossy guy, at that time I couldn’t understand why was it so hard for me to initiate relationship with girls of my type. Let alone having romance, just walking up to them seems much more difficult than giving impromptu presentation to a room full of CEOs.

If you're like me, by now you would already have consulted several self-help materials in search for solutions. It really surprises me that no definite answer is available on such crucial topic. The more I read those books, the more I find that most intellectuals and scholars out there are either clueless or don’t have any real-life non-theoritical approach to the question.

But years of pondering and endless discussions with my friends finally bring me to a good solid reason why such thing happens.

It all roots in these two things: rejection and our fear of it.

Let's talk about the rejection first. In every act of communication or interaction, there is always a possibility of one party to get turned down or rejected by the other. And when that happens, our mind with its highly complicated wires and system will try to extract meanings out of it.

Extracting meanings is something our brain is built for. It functions to provide us a logical cause and effect explanation. However, for most people, their brains are habituated to go even further: taking things personally.

For such people, getting a simple 'Sorry, but I’m busy,' hand gesture from a girl would trigger them to think, "See? She’s so out of my league, I shouldn’t have come and humiliate myself like this. I’m so stupid, I can’t believe I did this. Of course she wouldn’t want to talk to skinny guy like me, what in the world I was thinking..."

Clap your hands twice if you can see yourself in the picture above.

Listen to this: if you are always that unsympathetic and ruthless to yourself each time you get rejected, no wonder you don’t have the power next time you find an attractive girl you like.

Your own brain is jamming your own body. You shouldn't let your past experience define your future. Stop taking things personally. And that’s a golden rule especially when dealing with women.

Remember that for every rejection you get, at least 50 percent it comes from her own emotional state. She could be just having a bad hair day, or got broken from her long term relationship, etc that she couldn’t contain herself for a good friendly conversation.

If you really think about it, you'll understand that rejection is never truly about you. Today, years after this hit my head in the first time, I recognize that most girls who reject, look tough and bitchy are usually the ones who are so insecure about themselves.

Rarely it was because of my approach to them.

RARELY it was because of you!

This is only half of the answers, but you can’t help to notice that you are starting to feel enlightened and powerful, can you?

The second thing is that you should know that fear of rejection is a sign that your defense mechanism is still functioning well. It’s there to remind you that despite approaching the girl might be a risky business, but your mind will always be able to protect yourself should things gone wrong.

Fear of rejection is simply the alarm signal, letting you know that you’re entering a 'battle mode.' There are two things you can do when it buzzes. First, you hold, waiting for a good time. Or second, you march on forward instantly. Most guys do the foremost with intention to build enough confidence and bag of tricks for the approach.

Unfortunately, that’s a wrong move.

When an alarm sets off, you are not supposed to wait and analyze things. It's already too late for that! Not only it is the worst time for getting in touch with your creative side, but you also won’t be able to come up with anything good due to the wailing noise inside of your head.

When fear of rejection creeps into your mind, it rings for an IMMEDIATE ACTION! Set aside your logical mind, put your intuition on the driver’s seat, and use that alerted emotional state as a new-found power to approach the girls.

I'll always be wondering why I never found such advice in most modern self-help books these days.

Fear has both the power to cripple and to motivate. Fortunately, you can choose which function you want fear to do for you. Utilize the fear sensation to your own advantage so that you grow terribly afraid...

... afraid of missing out an adventure.

I believe understanding the two keys above is the fundamentally important in ending anyone's desperate fear of rejection. The transformation from a lossy chump to a glossy guy can happen at any moment now, but only if you're willing to do something about it.

So stop reading other materials on this subject and start doing some action with your life.